Marshawn Lynch to Become NFL Sports Commentator Following Retirement

“I ain’t gon say much. Just let my facial expressions do all the talking” – Marshawn”

Said Marshawn about his future career as an NFL sports commentator.

Marshawn Lynch announced his retirement via social media with a pair of cleats hung up representing him leaving the game of NFL football.

“I think I bring a lot to the table. My dreads, my gold teeth, free promotion for my Beast Mode clothing line which is now available through inboxing me on my Facebook fanpage.” – Marshawn


When asked what he thought he could bring to NFL commentating Marshawn simply replied “No comment. Thanks”

Cam Newton Retiring from NFL to Become a Professional Dabber

“It don’t pay much, but it makes me happy and there’s no racist folks telling me how to be a black” – Cam Newton

Said Cam Newton about becoming a professional dabber.

Cam Newton is retiring from the NFL after a devastating defeat at Super Bowl 50 and realizing that he’s much better at dancing after touchdowns than setting up plays to actually make them.

“Honestly. The NFL broke my country ass heart.” – Cam Newton


Cam admits instead of watching Youtube tutorials on how to perfect his dab he should’ve been more focused on the plays wrote for him in his favorite color crayon for the Superbowl.

Patti Labelle Held at Gunpoint for ‘Patti Pie’ Recipe

“He wanted details too! Gonna ask me what kind of butter I use??? The same kind yo’ mama use …n*gga!” – Ms. Labelle

Singer and one pie selling ass n*gga Patti Labelle after being robbed at gunpoint.

Patti Labelle was robbed at gunpoint for the recipe to her famous ‘Patti Pie’ that made her millions after a video of an overweight gay man praising its goodness went viral.


“She thought because Thanksgiving was over n*ggas wasn’t eating sweet potato pies. Sike! Caught her slipping” – Thief

Patti says she’s willing to let the young man off the hook if he’s willing to be her personal s3x slave and promise to give her some of that young premature ejaculation weenie on a regular.

Will Not Giving Jaden Anymore Money Until He Starts Back Shopping in the Men’s Section

“Will already supports two women. His wife and daughter. So, I can understand why he doesn’t want to add, Another One.” – Dj Khaled

Said Dj Khaled about Will Smith deciding not to financially support his son Jaden Smith until he starts back shopping in the Men’s section.

Will says he will no longer support Jaden Smith until he starts wearing men’s clothing again and also no clothes that Young Thug, Kanye, and the gay n*gga from Empire would wear.

“I dropped Jaden when he was 3. I dropped him and I believe his little wee wee split into a v@gina. That day, because he ain’t been the same since.” – Will Smith


Will Smith insist he has nothing against gay men, but not in his family, ho!

Young Thug Asks Jaden Smith to Be His Valentine

“I know its early and what not, but I wanted to get to him before the line got too long. Be mine?”

Said the “Stoner” rapper about Will Smith’s son on Instagram.

Also See: Jaden to Have Penis Removed & Become Jade Smith Upon Turning 18

Young Thug asks Jaden Smith to be his Valentine’s through Instagram even going as far as to tag Will Smith’s son so that he know’s its real.

“I mean he just seem like a cool kid. Honestly I thought about asking Will, but I see Jada got that on lock” – Young Thug


Could Young Thug and Jaden Smith be hip hop’s first gay power couple? Not likely as Jaden Smith is currently wearing women’s clothes and they’d most likely end up fighting over a skirt. Comment below.

Florida Bus Driver Fired for Making White Passengers Sit at Back of the Bus

florida-bus-driver“If it was up to me I would’ve gave the n***a a raise. Not fire him. Always tryna keep a black man down”

Said one young black passenger who enjoyed sitting at the front of the bus for a change. “White folk be on the bus earlier so they always get the good seats.”

Also See: Man Kills Friend After Their Balls Touch During a ‘Three Some’

Mr. Flock not pictured (chose not to show his face, because he doesn’t want to be famous) was fired after he was reported over 45 times for asking white patrons to sit at the back of the bus while black people enjoyed the luxury of the spacious front located seats.

“I mean honestly it takes guts to do some shit like this and it broke my heart to fire him, but then I can’t have all the white folks here calling me a n****r lover”


Mr. Flock says he plans to file a wrongful termination lawsuit and thinks white people are “soft”, because of the fact that his people sat at the back of the bus for hundreds of years and white folks can’t tough it out for a month.